New Series on etiquette... (running at same time as Love Never Dies) . #1. Elevator Etiquette.

I don't think there really is a rule of thumb on elevator etiquette. Probably the one thing most true for most everyone anywhere in the world is that it is, at least, somewhat awkward being in a very tight space with most often total strangers. My husband and I live in Downtown LA and travel a lot to various parts of the world. Whether at our own home, Asia or Europe, we are usually riding in an elevator with strangers.

Our condo building elevator operates by key fobs. However, if one person taps their fob, they can press other floors for others. This seems to be known by all in the building. I get on the elevator one evening and this lady jumps on, probably in her late 30's, so definitively an adult who should by now have adult manners and she is so immersed in her phone she taps the elevator, presses her floor and moves to the back never looking up. This is simply rude! Almost everyone asks "what floor?", you tell them, they press it and you say "thank you" at the least.

While my husband and I ride the elevator in the building everyday, usually multiple times everyday, we seldom really talk to anyone. There seems to be a code of pleasant silence. Any sense of awkwardness can be broken by staring at your phone, even though there is no signal in the elevator. Far short of "what floor?" and those who are really friendly saying things like "have a nice day" or most often "have a good one" that seems to be all that needs to be said. Let's face it, in our case, we live on the 3rd floor and the ride is all of 20 to 30 seconds. How much can be said? Further, there are over 300 units in our building. I am just starting to recognize people who live here and we've lived here 3 months. Even if I do recognize someone as a resident and they jump on the elevator, I still wouldn't know what floor they lived on even if I had pushed the button for them multiple times.

One day recently, I had a gentleman that did look right at me and say "Good morning" as I boarded the elevator. I think he might have been a delivery person. That was nice of him, I thought. When I got off the elevator, he said, " have a good day, Sir."  He was very clean cut, young (like less than half my age), and if I made a guess might have had a military or similar influence. He didn't have an noticeable accent so I won't bet on a well raised Southerner. Ending with Sir is meant with total respect and politeness and I just kept reminding myself of it to be so as I tried not to let my mid-life crisis worsen with one's good intention. Usually, when I would like even a little respect out of most in his age group, I am treated like piece of useless piece of shit so I should feel at least it isn't "all of them."

If you see someone trying to get to the elevator door, wait for them. Simple courtesy. Yet, I know I, and I bet almost everyone of you, at least once if not many times in your life, have had some reason to do otherwise and ignore that person trying to get to the elevator. Just remember being that person running for the door who then had to wait, and was running late for a major presentation or job interview, their wife in labor. Like you are not nervous enough and now you might wait 5 or more minutes for that skyscraper elevator to work it's way up and down the tower. Simpler, but just as awful, you came in from the parking garage and you really need to make it to your place to use the bathroom. It's a simple good deed. Life does come full circle.

I think it was that same day that these 2 business people, I can bet you in real estate having been a former Realtor, got on the elevator with me. The woman lived in the building, the man did not live here. They were going to the 4th or 5th floor, I, again, live on the 5th floor. He saw me coming for the elevator and did hold it open for me, all while reading his phone; impressive. They didn't ask me what floor, in fact they seemed to forget I was there once on the elevator. They both went on about how endlessly busy they are, have to constantly be organized, whatever mental masturbation was working for them for the 30 seconds I had to listen. I had a bet in the back of my head and yup, it happened. I walked off on the 3rd floor and so did they, following me down the hall. They made it half way to my apartment before they realized they were on the wrong floor, laughing "oh, this is 3, I am just so crazy busy" she exclaimed as they turned around. I thought she was also always terribly organized?

I will admit I have a few times prayed the door shut before someone entered and not gone out of my way to hold it open, albeit I haven't shut it close, but in hindsight there was only one time there was any reasonable justification (we will just say it was an emergency where I needed to immediately shower and change). At the end of the day, go back to what I said above, it's bad etiquette. Unless they are a physical threat to you (then please dial 911 immediately and you can press the button on your cell phone as well as the elevator), there is nothing you can't survive for a minute or two. Otherwise, live somewhere without elevators.

Headphones on the elevator seem to have become apart of day to day life just as headphones have almost everywhere else. Since we have already established an unofficial code of silence, this seems logical that they can fit into the equation. However, it shouldn't mean I know what music you are listening to on Spodify or Pandora. I most definitely shouldn't be learning the details of the wedding between your daughter and son-in-law en route while you talk on the phone. Whether on the phone or talking to another person, keep the conversation relatively generic. It's a short ride and otherwise you are not only asking for people to easy drop into your personal business by default, it's again awkward. Either we just don't care why Kevin is such a loser or we hope the elevator comes to a halt so we can get the dirt in it's entirety.

You get on the elevator as a couple and you just can't wait until you can rip each others clothes off or your so simply in love you can't stop staring in each other's eyes. Great! Wait a minute, we don't need soft porn on the trip up. Wanna hold hands, give a couple smiles of affection, alright, if you must, but seriously, it is a confined space and even if I did know you well, this isn't part of time I'd spend with you.

Below is an article I found from the New Yorker on elevator etiquette. I'd love your comments.

New Yorker Magazine piece on elevator etiquette