Tennessee, Atlanta & Tony. The story that should have been told before the Tony Incognito series...

I got ahead of myself with posts about communication with Tony after our November trip before telling about what occurred during the trip. The story of our time with Tony begins with Someone homeless in your house. Continue following with Tony in WEHO prior to this entry. Tony Incognito #1 and Tony Incognito #2  and any others in the "Tony Incognito" series are best read following this post.

After only knowing Tony for weeks and not a perfect track record, we'd given him a chance and let him stay at our place and care for our cats (we have 2) while we were away on a trip to Tennessee and Georgia. Perhaps I have some reservation of being judged. It's easy for many, especially those closest to us, to call us "idiots", "dumb shits" or whatever else. At least, that would be their justifiable first reaction. But most of those same people would have said the same of our helping him in the first place. It was a bit of a gamble, but my attitude was that if we felt safe having him in our home with us there, then we should be able to leave him in care of our place and animals while away.

Mac made it clear before our departure to Tony that he expected there to be no others at our place, not to be using drugs here and that he was to check in with us daily. I am 98% certain about no others being here. I don't think he most often has had his own drugs, so he wasn't doing them at our place. I was well aware of this; like any addicts need to seek them and in turn the disconnect that occurs while "partying and playing" makes simple responsibilities like sending a text or making a quick call a heavy burden. This, along with abstinance, became the problem while we were away.

I left Tony both with some household tasks, like watering our plants, cleaning the refrigerator, laundry and, of course, caring for the cats with their food, water and litter box changing. I also had Tony working on some projects for HRM Foundation. It is the nonprofit we are just getting started. We have a mission of building consortiums of other small nonprofits focused on addressing needs for the homeless in Los Angeles County and creating collective programs which private businesses, governments and private foundations can invest in their collective success. Tony showed me to have knowledge with coding and a definite interest in graphic design. He also formerly ran a small business so he had a grasp on many day-to-day functions of small business. I wanted to not only take advantage of his skills, but provide him with some confidence building by giving him a chance to work "behind a desk" and successfully complete certain tasks as a volunteer for us. Further, it was something he could then add to his resume. My key requirement was that he be as reachable as possible (his phone service was "sketchy" as seems to be similar to him and it isn't just financial) and that he touch base with us daily. There was a deadline to get an e-blast out for HRM Foundation, the cats had a care schedule that was hardly difficult and with some flexibility as well. I didn't say they had to be fed at 6 AM and 5 PM, for example, rather twice a day.

Initially, he was responsive and all was fine. I loosened up some on precise daily contact. But, then my e-blast wasn't out on time and I had to send it while in Nashville, on my tablet, incomplete of all the contacts which was his job to add to the mailing list. He wasn't responding to my text messages, emails or calls. This carried on for about 2 days. I booked a flight to come back for an overnight to check on things. Really not wanting to spend the time nor money, I finally called our security and the head of security who knows us and was aware of Tony staying at our place told me that he had just seen him up outside watering our plants. I asked him when he was next by to tell him to call me. Perhaps I worry about these things too much, but I was trying to keep Anthony on the "DL" and certainly not involve security in anything related to him. Tony then did call and he explained that he felt that my request for the mailing was too burdensome and an unfair expectation. This is the first time he made any such suggestion. He misunderstood what my expectation was and how to complete it. He had ballooned the scope of the project exponentially. I believe he may have made this excuse as he had not completed the task on its schedule. I made clear that in any event this should had been addressed prior to the time the e-blast was to go out and not following. Tony's sense of responsibility and urgency were limited at best. Just as I offered plenty of additional opportunities for him to help with the foundation and build it into his resume. He did some impressive work with our website initially, but following whether it is ADHD or otherwise, his focus was extremely limited and there didn't seem to be a real sense of need on his part to get his life "back on track" in any real way. Perhaps, however, when you are battling demons of years gone and those that are to come from intense and prolonged meth use, there are obstacles in the way. Perhaps just not knowing where you are going to sleep tomorrow is one by itself.

I realize I over-reacted more than once during the time we were away, fueling our concerns and breaking down communication with Tony further. Then again, we were taking the huge gamble literally with our home, our "children" in our beloved cats, and everything in it. I wasn't so worried about him stealing our tchotchkes or even couple pieces of prized art, though I had moments worrying about him destroying them in haste.

Thankfully, only a ceramic plate that we had bought in Tokyo and liked broke on our dresser during the time he cared for the place. He said the cats did it fighting on the dresser. I didn't entirely buy the story initially but also saw no reason why he would single it out and intentionally destroy it. In hindsight, I imagine the cats might have been acting out some with him here with them by himself. If he did accidentally, well, I guess I can try and understand his inability to admit fault. In retrospect, his story is probably true and while we "will never have" that item again, it was something we bought while at the Fish Market in Tokyo and a memento, not anything of particular sentimental or financial value.

The latter part of our trip we went to visit my sister, her children and our parents in Atlanta. I focused my energy on them and just assumed everything was OK at home. I did have one friend come and check on the place. He talked with Tony a couple times before coming over. Tony was conveniently not here when he came by. Tony continued to be sporadic in communication.

I asked Tony to leave my keys at the front desk for when we got home late that evening. I didn't say he needed to be gone. But he had left, for months to come.