Tony's first days (consistently) with us - Part One

You should read When you sleep with someone homeless in your house , Tony Disappears and Tony Returns... prior to this entry to be completely "in the loop."


Just after the 1st of the month, Tony got his food stamp benefits, called "CalFresh" in California, and he sent me a text. This means he has received his $192 per month to assist with food and other "basic needs."  He texts me and says he is on his way back and wants to stop at the store and make us dinner. I find out after he got back that he received some from his mother as well, which made sense when he offered to buy wine and I knew that his CalFresh benefits did not cover it. He wanted to make us a pizza. I thought it was a nice gesture but being on a Keto diet that was not in my picture and I let him know we had no expectations of his buying or paying for food for us. He explained that the pizza was over chicken breasts with tomato sauce and pepperoni; that fit my diet. I still thought he shouldn't buy us food. He reminded me that we had leftover chicken breasts (which we did and were enormous) to eat and begged to make this for us to I succumbed to the invitation. It was obviously a moment of pride and independence I didn't want to squash and tomato sauce and pepperoni can't be too costly even shy of $200 a month. We'll make it up to him multiple times over. Then he asks about buying wine. I text a message to the effect of "how can you do that?" He said his mom sent him money. I remind him he needs money all month. He should up with some wine as well; nothing extravagant, but red wine which is his drink of choice. He arrived with a few bags from Target. This is definitively his preferred store. He was excited to make the meal, telling us he found the idea on Pinterest and how much he liked the app. It also was one of those reminders to me of just "normal" he really was overall. The dinner was clever, simple and actually quite good. This evening, he did eat. This evening, he did not seem as "amped up."

I don't recall if it was that evening or the next morning, but we had a discussion about some of his skills. He professed to be well versed in coding. Generation difference and my own indifference quite honestly. I consider myself fairly tech savvy or computer "literate" for having just turned 50, but I have a degree in Creative Writing proudly and while I was fortunate to be among the 1st schools in at least the Midwest to have an Apple computer, the first at home to have a Compaq "portable" computer (try carrying one) and I actually had a laptop at university which was then rare, the crap I learned to do in DOS is a distant memory and HTML I only know in basic form and otherwise have been fortunate to ask someone else if needed. I seldom have to code anything for myself. But, now was one of those times I needed some changes to our HRMfoundation.org website and I didn't know, nor wanted to begin to take on a trial and error expedition on how to make them. Tony went in and made the changes in minutes, which would have likely taken me hours and possibly a couple calls to GoDaddy, as well as creating a campaign in memory and honor of the loss of the father of our board member and my father in law. (You can see this campaign on our front page or here: https://hrmfoundation.org/haroldmmcarthy/. We really want to see that Tony feels his volunteer efforts paid off. It isn't the amounts, but that we can tell him that we received at least some significant number of donors, so we greatly welcome even your smallest of donations to his and our charity's efforts.)

I asked Tony to also do some data entry work for our foundation. Actually, what was some formidable data entry work. So, I told him not to sit there for hours on end and take breaks and that I also was asking some house tasks and let's balance the two of them.

We have an inordinately large patio for a condo in Downtown anywhere, let alone Los Angeles. It's almost 40 feet long. We are rather certain our unit was originally the sales center for the complex and it makes sense as it's an epicenter in the complex, one of the only ones with 2 sliding doors, has the enormous patio, has outside electrical outlets that are part of the "common" association expenses not ours, etc. I asked Tony to water the plants and to also clean the 3 tables outside, 2 glass and the other an unusual buffed metal as well as to vacuum the upholstered cushions on the chairs around the table and the outside sofa. He took this on without protest and did quite a good job. However, he forgot to bring back in his coffee cup and left the hose connected to what is a faucet that is actually that for the condo association not our own. It just happens to land on our patio. He left some garbage outside as well, which just doesn't look good as everyone in our complex walks past our patio.  I welcomed the help and these are minor items that can easily be improved upon in the future. I brought them to his attention and he blamed his ADHD. I also have ADHD so I am rather understanding. My husband, for example, hates how I most often partially empty the dishwasher or fold some of the laundry.

He then comes in to vacuum the couch and all its pillows. Not only has he been sleeping on the sofa, but we have 2 cats and it was long overdue to have a good cleaning. Since he was taking the vacuum outside anyway I figured it was a perfect time to ask. At this point, I left him with this, the data entry and some other items that were meant to be done over days. I also left a small list of things for him to do for himself; things he should be looking into to improve his situation. I left him alone for the first time. I would be lying to say there wasn't some reservation, but if I can't leave him alone for a few hours, shouldn't I be concerned about him sleeping feet away from us?  On the way out he asked if he could listen to music while I was gone. I was somewhat charmed with the request. I am not the evil witch and of course he could...