Los Angeles. Love/hate relationship. Part 1 of series

I was on the phone with someone at USAA about my insurance and he asked me "how do you like L.A.?" Noting his genuine curiosity, I paused for a moment. I responded "it's a perfect place to have a love/hate relationship with; if you have never been, you should come." I gave an explanation of how it was vast and amazingly different than most anywhere else, but hard to get around, expensive but you at least most often convinced yourself worth it, and usually the weather is amazing. I have lived here most of my adult life, with brief times in the city of Riverside (the Inland Empire a large extension of L.A.) and the Coachella Valley (Palm Springs), a nearby getaway.

A friend of mine from Berlin whom I have known some 30 years said to me years ago visiting me that L.A. was "one of the most unique cities in the world." I don't think that it was his first trip to L.A. when he said this to me. He has been back multiple times and repeated it since and he has travelled the world to an extent beyond envy, more bewilderment. While my husband and I are working to travel the world, our "view of the world" is perhaps a bit more narrow-minded. He is my only friend that has traveled to places I literally have to look up as I had not heard of them, let alone known where they are located.

This same friend also told me years ago he didn't like Washington, DC because it was too "Federalist." He also was recently here after being in New York City and was very unhappy with his visit to the Big Apple largely because he bought a bus tour package that is a very ineffectual way to wander Manhattan. Once he listened to my suggestions and used the subway as transit the trip went better. While in L.A. this trip, he complained of how little he could accomplish in one day. Staying in Lynnwood to presumably save money on accommodations (I question how much at the end of the day) put him at a disadvantage to everywhere he wanted to go. His husband, who takes 2 hours to get ready to go anywhere, didn't help the equation. I probed him this visit on what was unique about L.A. and he spoke of Malibu and the beaches, the houses in the hills, West Hollywood (Boystown), the many cultures and their neighborhoods, and all the freeways. I was right with him until the freeways? Really? He further told me he enjoys driving here. Now we might question his own mental state, though if I reflect, I understand. Some of my first memories and loves of L.A. were its vast, seemingly endless and absolutely crazed freeway system. It provided me then (it doesn't now) with an adrenaline rush, a feeling of being "always on the move." The biggest problem is more often than not the moving part is lacking. I also remember driving out of Berlin and while the Autobahn is quite something, they don't have the freeway access to get around within the city.

I first came to L.A. in my junior year at university in Montreal. My Father had given me an American Airlines Advantage ticket to use (likely the idea being I would come home with it). I was depressed, anxious, whatever I decided at the time and "needed to get away." So I literally took out a map of North America, closed my eyes and swirled my finger around and let it land. I called American Airlines and was off to Dorval Airport the same day. I called my friend Doug in Washington, DC who knew people everywhere and asked him to "hook me up." He put me in touch with Greg in Pasadena. I called and introduced myself to Greg and was off.

I remember going to Venice Beach as one of my first destinations and being not terribly impressed. Venice was just as "funky" but not nearly as nice in the late 80's and early 90's. It kind of reminded me of a badly done Seaside Heights, NJ with more blatant pot smoking. My attitudes were also a bit more narrow-minded then as well.

I headed to Pasadena on what was a confusing and lengthy trip. There was no GPS nor did I have a cell phone. I vaguely recall having to call Greg along the way both because I was very late (due to traffic, so this initial visit didn't start any temporary romance with L.A. freeways) and I was confused about the directions. I got off the 110 freeway on Orange Grove and this was my first introduction to "how people lived" in L.A. I don't recall all about the house, but some things did stand out. It was large, had lots of grandeur with heavy carved wood moldings and built-in cases, beautifully restored, I believe Julia Child's old stove/oven was in the home, and the pool area was made for porn scenes (and they rented it out for productions). Greg didn't own the home, but was living there with the owner and his partner temporarily. I only remember so much about the owner, but he was an "old school" refined gay with lots of judgement and attitude. He went on with his partner to die of AIDS in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Greg, when I met him, had lost his longtime partner to AIDS roughly a couple years earlier. Greg and I had drinks and then I made a move on him, which he rejected, something I was not used to at that age, especially from the older men I tended to attract and perhaps gravitate towards. He said something to the fact that he thought I was "just stopping by" to meet; I took him as my L.A. host. I ultimately prevailed on both fronts, though the sex part came later. I don't even recall if it was on that trip but our sexual relationship was short-lived compared to what evolved into a very long, strong friendship. I recall on this first journey to Southern CA his taking me down Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena which was becoming a "hot spot" and his explaining how it had been riddled "with gang activity" until only a few years prior. Thinking of Pasadena today, it is hard to conceive it ever had to undergo such a "transformation." He was dismissive of Downtown L.A. Learning from him, I had long said Downtown L.A. is merely a stage set for identification purposes. Having lived in DTLA for 13 years now, my husband and I among the pioneers in its evolution.

There are numerous other things I was introduced to in L.A. through Greg, but it's cloudy at what point they happened. Over the next 18 or so months on multiple trips, Greg showed me not only L.A., but much of California. I visited once with my friend Beth and she and I went to Disneyland. We went with his brother to bars in Hollywood, which was then perhaps somewhat "cool" but also much more seedy. On another trip, Greg and I went to San Diego. I don't know if on the same visit or another, but we also went to Santa Barbara, Solvang, and onward up Route 1 all the way to San Francisco, resulting in my first move there upon graduation (stay tuned to blog). I remember our crossing the Bay Bridge and my looking at the city and proclaiming "this reminds me of Montreal (where I was attending university), I have to live here." I was in San Francisco from 1991 to 1993, then went "back East" first to Baltimore but ultimately Washington, DC (also future blog entries). My first visits to LA always left me feeling there was something real neat about it, yet something really lacking at the same time. Perhaps the beginning of my love/hate relationship.

I moved to West Hollywood on January 1, 1997, still 27 years old. My ex, 2 cats and I, had driven across country in a Volvo station wagon. The realtor was belligerent and didn't want to give us the keys until the next day. It took some arm twisting, but we started the new year in our new home, albeit without any furniture and only what we had packed in the car, which also had to accommodate things like a kitty litter that we left available to the cats throughout the journey giving us even less space to pack things. We had coordinated things with the movers so they would arrive roughly 1-2 days later. Instead, that ended up being closer to 2 weeks later. But I had bartered my move on advertising in "Fun Maps", an LGBT publication which was the basis of my moving to L.A. I handled over a dozen markets for the small company, including all of the West Coast, and my boss was in New York, so my being in DC didn't make a lot of sense. We were the sales force. Further, a few winters and lots of humidity later, I decided I wanted to come back to CA. San Francisco didn't have as desirable weather and I had mixed feelings about my time there, so I thought L.A. was the answer. Back then, L.A. was a bit less expensive than DC as well. L.A. had also fallen on tough times following the riots after the Rodney King cases and the Northridge earthquake, not to mention a huge exodus of jobs from the Southland, particularly with military bases that closed and aerospace jobs either being lost or relocated. I had more than a few people say "I'm sorry" or question my sanity when I told them I was moving to L.A., especially when I said at my own choice.

I still love DC and sometimes question my decision for multiple reasons, but I went with my perhaps misguided gut at the time. I've somehow been in L.A. far longer than I initially ever anticipated and I could have left, so something must have stuck.