Los Angeles. Love/Hate Relationship. SPECIAL SERIES: A Tale of Two Cities. 2021. Part 3. The Inside of a gay bar.

This is Part Three in a mini-series: Los Angeles. Love/Hate Relationship. A Tale of Two Cities in my series Los Angeles. Love/Hate Relationship. If you haven't already, be sure to read: Tale of Two Cities. Part One and Part Two. When you have a chance, the entire series starts at: Los Angeles. Love/Hate Relationship. Part One.

 

It is almost incomprehensible to believe that when I decided to make a stop on December 6, 2020 and grab a drink it would be the 1st time I had enter the indoors of a gay bar in at least 9 months. I am not exactly sure when it was earlier but it would have to had been while we were in Great Britain in late February and early March before California began to lockdown for what is becoming eternity. We are not big bar goers, in fact my husband doesn't drink. But, he is usually up for a bar with an "event" like a drag show or bingo and we usually make an "appearance" at a bar if visiting somewhere. We "live" to travel and do as much as possible taking at least one trip abroad a year and multiple ones domestic.

I tend to be OCD about tracking expenses in Quicken. Scanning through, this was the 1st time I have recorded going to a gay bar since Edinburgh in February. Many would say "so what?" Some feel gay bars aren't important or relevant anymore anyway. That is a camp you won't have me joining ever. Again, while my clubbing days are long over and I am not a big bar hopper, gay bars have their place and further isolation behind screens is not advantageous for anyone. I am definitely an extravert and just sitting at the end of a bar and soaking up other's energy is a motivator. There are also economics. I am not breaking out specifically what we spent in gay establishments, gay friendly establishments, but just overall here. In 2019, we spent $15,760.08 meals and entertainment for business and personal expenses (a few hundred might be in a bar without food involved that wasn't related to travel). This is surmountable, but being self-employed I hold many a meeting over coffee to a meal and we don't live in Downtown LA to sit at home. In 2020, I am showing about $11,000 in total, having gone out of our way to do carry out and delivery of local restaurants for months "sheltering in place." Almost all of our meals and entertainment of it was spent outside of California impacting the economy around us due to our state being virtually locked down almost all of 2020 and remaining so as I write this in February 2021. Sure, it did help us reduce our debt, but helped others increase theirs at the same time. 

Happy Hour is largely non-existent in Los Angeles. It's just not part of the culture. Some places offer a Happy Hour, but it's to try and garner business at a dead time. In New York, Washington, DC and other cities, deals can be made, romances can begin, foster and end. Having lived in Los Angeles for so long I can't say with absolute certainty, but traveling enough it seems that Happy Hour in general isn't as popular overall in cities anyway as it might of been when I was first legally drinking (years after I was already going to bars in NYC and elsewhere) in the early 90s. I wonder if that will remain true post COVID-19. One reason I love sitting in places like bars is simply to observe, listen in to others conversations. I heard a young man some 6' exactly next to me telling the bartender how much he hated working from home and missed people so it drove him to the bar everyday. That does not lend itself to propagating for drink specials and I have plenty of dialogue to share about COVID-19 and addictions but if we remain a society that is increasingly less connected in the work place, where do we connect? Sometimes things that are old can be new again perhaps just updated with the times. 

I enter this bar, which probably has not been updated since before Madonna, and see 2 gentlemen together far at one of the bar, a fair distance then either or 2 more together, but then about 4 guys all seated like they had never heard of COVID, all with their masks off, uncomfortably close in the best of times, slapping each other on the backs, spewing as they laugh! There was 1 guy standing, who kept putting his mask back on as he leaned into the group; he seemed somewhat distrusting. The bartender, who I learn soon after being cordially invited into the group and their conversation, just celebrated his 60th birthday having a fundraiser at the bar, was and kept wearing a mask the entire time. (Did he say event? Like, live, in person event? I think he said 30 people! Fundraiser? Music to my ears. He raised $20k for his birthday for some charity). It made me a bit uncomfortable with the casual nature of protection from COVID with these other men, all of which were well into their 50s and beyond. Two of them introduced themselves and shook my hand. It had been so long I damn near forgot how to do so! I remain a couple stools away, but when that looks distinctly rude, I go use the restroom and then decide to use the wall to stand and lean against so I can keep a good 6' but not look like I am trying to distance myself at the same time. Who knew I'd suddenly stumbling awkwardly working through gay COVID etiquette? What I find most interesting is what these COVID free spirited men did for a living. One is a researcher (with an MD not PHD) at the CDC. He is not working on COVID research but something so unrelated I don't recall as it sparked little direct interest to me. Still the same, a Doctor at the place issuing national guidelines. The second is a local infectious disease doctor with mostly gay male clientele. He held court on the topic of PREP and how PREP has really been a "mistake" and "awful" for the gay community because it gives them (gay men) "free license" to (I think he used) "Fuck like rabbits." He then went to explain the number of patients he has each week with syphilis, some on a very recurring basis. Someone asked about COVID and whether that was slowing the incident rate down and he burst out laughing, slamming his drink on the table, saying something that ended with "it's only gotten worse" by which point all are in hysterics. This other gentleman, who I ended up talking with individually primarily about neighborhoods to consider buying in Atlanta, is a therapist and life coach. He is a PHD and proudly carries his Dr. title. He shook my hand. 

I left this evening a little startled at the nonchalant nature of these professionals, especially given their direct correlation to the issues of COVID-19, being gay, of a certain age, etc. But it also made me wonder. Wait, they also are thinking about it. They are living it everyday as well. This 90 minutes still has me reflecting on my evolution on perspectives on how to deal with COVID at this juncture. I went to Atlanta feeling that California was too extreme and Georgia and elsewhere perhaps too remiss.  Keep reading...