Insecurity hidden behind scrutiny and materialism

I have spent almost a year growing the top of my hair longer. Perhaps part of a mid life crisis. Perhaps, just something I wanted to do. It was something I literally did half a lifetime ago, admittedly it is taking a lot longer now. Somewhere during my visit, my friend Lizzie brings up that she notices a bunch of guys my age doing the same and the one thing in common they have is really thinning hair. In my case, ultimately, my hair actually isn't really thinning. It isn't nearly as crazy thick as it was at 25, but I am far from balding or combing over.

I show Lizzie and another friend the sport coat I bought for my 50th birthday which they had come to LA to attend. Lizzie is like "I don't know about you and the outlandish colors and patterns you pick." I am a bit astonished and reply "This is a Ralph Lauren linen sport coat from Lord & Taylor I had sent from New York because I couldn't find anything that conservative here." (By the way, really it was largely because L&T was the best deal for what I was thinking.) It is a deep red with tan boxed stripes, right out of a preppy handbook. This damn thing hasn't varied from the 50's. I was wearing it with new tan slacks from Brooks Brothers, was she going to critique them? Furthermore, this is my party with my friends. She has a very large and noticeable tattoo on her forearm along with others and while she wouldn't be judged, she should not be commenting. She simply says "Well, in Annapolis everything is so... (I really don't remember exact words but I guess I should have had a blue blazer, tan pants, etal except I am not ex Navy).

We listened to music one morning, than a few other times during her visit. Lizzie commented, "I am really surprised at how poor the output is of that Google Home. Maybe just because I have Bose." My Google Home isn't perhaps as concert quality, but it certainly has sufficed to wake people up, rally the troops, be the background for any party we have had in our 1100 square foot apartment. I guess she impresses herself with her Bose speaker. I don't recall her ever having a party since she divorced, even well before she was divorced. She doesn't really have many friends.

Lizzie drove my VW Passat, which she hates every time I bring up is roughly not far out of the same price range of her BMW. I only do so because as she has dated she identifies her men by cars. "Audi Paul", "Mercedes Ben", etc. Lizzie has this misconceived and certainly superficial idea that a man's car is a clear indicator of their wealth and character. I've had outright arguments with her that a guy with a 10 year old Audi, like I once had, is not necessarily wealthier than the guy with a new Camry. In fact, he is an idiot, as I learned, as our Audi became just expensive to look at with a new unconscionable repair it seemed every time we got near it. So, she drives my car and provides an unsolicited review: "It had good power, it drove well, but I was a bit surprised at the steering. I thought it would have a bit more precise for a German car." In this case, she was somewhat accurate for making a point, the steering was off and we ended up needing a rather costly repair, thankfully covered by our extended warranty, shortly after her visit. But, most assuredly, she wanted to note that my vehicle was somehow substandard.

Lizzie is very proud of her wardrobe. The vast majority of it all comes from J.Crew. The outfit for my birthday was far more "preppy" and conservative than I am typically and intentional as that was more "me" back when I was younger. I tend to be much more eclectic in everything from clothing to furnishings. Buying all your clothes at J.Crew, Brooks Brothers, Talbots, or Orvis, REI and Eddie Bauer you will have a failsafe look that will also never really be in or out "of style." But while it can be attributed to a look, a character, it doesn't necessarily show a person with any real sense of style. I think back to my early childhood and I could always tell the parents who bought their living room sets from a catalog or showroom floor. It was nice, but it certainly didn't have any personal character or flair. Likewise, I could always tell the person who didn't seem to know how to find their way out of Ikea.

My Mother always said to me "those that have it don't talk about it" and this certainly proves true with Lizzie. She has called me at times telling me how she scheduled dates just to get someone to feed her because she is so broke. She has had bills with J.Crew in the thousands of dollars that have taken her years to pay off. For a long while, while she was making a career change and working waiting tables, barely making her rent, she kept her BMW. I suggested she change cars and scoffed at me "but it makes me happy" she replied. In her best of times, she has not made more than $70,000 a year and more recently less than $60,000. She is a divorced Mother with 2 children and paying child support. She has a lackluster employment history over the last 5 years. Her personality seems to keep getting in the way of her maintaining a position. She is otherwise quite bright and multi-talented. Not to mention, she has a "wonderful" work wardrobe. I am not knocking any of it, but she doesn't begin to play the "game" of what that really encompasses.

Talk about living in a material world and her insecurities making her so incredibly superficial.



Madonna: Material Girl