The Rise of the Perfect Storm

"We are the gift" she repeated throughout the visit smiling along with another close friend circling her face with her hand and producing a big smile, letting me know how grateful I was to be that she has attended an event I large in no small part for her. I literally only moved forward with planning this party, something I was initially against doing, in part because she agreed to be here in Los Angeles. She was a champion of my holding it from the beginning. I was holding this party so she, others close to me, could come together with me.
When she later backpedaled and I was in for the biggest party expense since my husband and my wedding I said "I will never talk to you again if you do not come."  I was sincere. I have been to everything she has asked from early visits after the birth of the children, the baptism of the children (I am their Godfather) her daughter's confirmation, time for "Uncle Robert" to just be supportive, son's graduation all 2000 miles away and, as she has frequently noted, have planned and she and often her children have taken more vacations with me than her own husband. In fact, I have spent most of the children's summer vacations which we also would plan around 2 of the 3 birthday's throughout their most formidable years of childhood. Her oldest son has lived with us part of 2 summers and has been my intern.  She has recently filed for divorce, is looking to make a career change, and has issues with one of her children; not an easy time. But, she could go to San Francisco with some people she had met twice just 2 months ago for a party. She went to Northern California multiple times last year, one time my husband and I meeting her up there for part of her trip. Certainly, she could attend one of her best friend's 50th birthday party. Was this too much to ask? In her anger, she text me to tell me that she came here for a vacation. I never once thought of going to her Wysteria Lane suburb as a vacation, nor sleeping in the basement or one of the teenage boys bedrooms. But I was always happy to visit what I've considered an extension of my family. Before her arrival she had told me that this was going to be this was going to be her spring vacation because she did not get one given issues at home. I cautioned her that was going to garner her much sympathy with my other close friend who was coming her for the 1st time in 6 years and she mentioned 2nd plane flight since then, and our quasi-son, born and raised here, who had not been back here in over 2 years and not on a "vacation" in years. More significantly, spring break was simply not part of their vocabulary. When I explained this before her arrival, she was incensed, feeling judged and told me "in my world, I was at hockey last week and had to sit and listen one person tell me about their trip to Mexico, another to Hawaii, another to Florida... " Oblivious to anyone else's feelings I mentioned, I let her know that I was always the kid that was lucky to go to Lawrenceburg, Indiana to visit my Great Grandmother, otherwise was home during spring break. I survived.

It was clear from her arrival, especially in hindsight, she was on her agenda for her enjoyment. She had started a new business with me early in the year, something else that was poor timing on our part, but then she should have come to terms with me, rather than making repetitive lies, something I cannot tolerate from anyone, especially those about financial commitments, no matter how small. Her unwillingness to fulfill her her fiduciary responsibilities she had committed to and worse, skirt around the issue rather than even admit default, left me not only financially burdened, but also left our quasi-adopted son, who was the only contractor for this business unpaid for work completed. He, my husband and I grew a great disdain watching her spend nearly $100 on brunch, $40 for a tee shirt, $25 for wine tasting, another $40 for drinks all just one day out when that same amount of money would have significantly decreased the money owed on the outstanding invoices. Again, it wasn't it a lot of money, but it was to someone visiting who had that point didn't have any other income. More importantly, he had earned it. 

On my birthday, she decided she had to go visit a mutual classmate from high school in Orange County. She would take an Uber from our place in Downtown LA, which must have cost no less than $50, probably more, and then take another to meet me in Beverly Hills, where I had an appointment with my therapist. I decided to keep it as I wanted both of my closest friends to pop in and meet him. He has heard plenty about them and likewise they know him my name. They both ignored that request, not objecting to it but simply finding ways to meet me otherwise. 

We got in the car and her first concern was whether or not we might make it to the Supreme Store so she could buy something for her youngest son. Really? Well, if she had not gone to Orange County, she absolutely could have done that earlier. I simply said "no, we aren't going there."

We went to the Abbey. The Abbey is perhaps one of the more unique bars, never mind gay bars, in LA and perhaps the world. It is simply it's own. It can also, like much in LA, particularly in places like Boystown in Weho, become a bit too much quickly, at least for people like myself who have been there with David Cooley since he was just a coffee shop (in my case, I moved here and he was beginning to expand if I recall). I probably go to the Abbey half a dozen to at best a dozen times a year, mostly dependent on events or people I need to meet there. My husband could fly in from anywhere for the 2-3 a year he is there.
It was Happy Hour. I made sure we went during Happy Hour to make it happier for all. All of us had too many martinis (I believe 3 each) and some appetizers. She and my other friend picked up my tab. I was appreciative. It was the night of my 50th birthday, the reason they came here, so it also did seem somewhat appropriate. We also offered the 2 of them over even my own family for the event. We live in a loft in DTLA, not a suburban house with multiple bedrooms and finished basements. We have 2 bathrooms and it is sizable, but it really only has one bedroom so not as private with guests. My husband doesn't drink either so he is a cheap date.
We went for Ethiopian food for dinner. This is something my other close friend that was along and I did together when we lived back East frequently. It is a communal meal, perfect for a group setting. It is relatively inexpensive. She is vegetarian. Dinner went well overall, though my other friend was already beginning to instigate issues. She seems to like to "fuel the fire" so to speak. I wasn't paying particular attention at this point, but my husband brought it to my attention later. The check came and I had my wallet sitting right next to the check. Ms. Fuels of fire picks it up and suggests that she and my other friend again pay. I honestly thought it was nice. Again, I can't tell you how often I have for them and they were again at our place, I had just thrown this huge event and it was, after all, my birthday. That said, we had not planned on it either.
Walking to the car, my friend starts to complain "all I know is I have sure spent far more money on this trip than I have on any trip I have taken.." I lost it. I blew up and not in an acceptable manner. I absolutely screamed and yelled in ways I have not in sometime to anyone and never to her in over 30 years. You don't buy someone dinner and then bitch about it on the way to the car. We were both raised with more etiquette. Call it out at the table, "I wasn't prepared to do that this evening." Something like that is more than fine. (Never mind her share of the bill was less than her brunch for one I believe and this was for 5 people). We were not expecting it.  It just brought into play how she kept lying about how she was transferring money from one bank account to another so I could pay invoices that in part came to be because she failed to fulfill commitments she made to work on projects with tight deadlines which in part created some of these outstanding invoices owed to our son who was suffering while she was doing whatever she wanted here. It just brought into play the fact that there was even a consideration, even had to be a threat from me about her not being here to begin with for something she wanted me to do. We parted in separate cars. The evening gets worse and thereafter sadder. You will learn more.  My 50th has left me heartbroken. 

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As I restart this blog once again you will be learning a lot more about her, others, about me, and I am holding nothing back now. I had experienced much, observe even more. I'd love feedback and dialogue as I pursue the journey.